My Life as an African Gypsy

**Take note of the title. This post is intended for female readers, or for men wanting to have sympathy for their breastfeeding wives. There may be more information than you care to read, and if you know me, it may be more blunt than you are used to, so take this as your warning, and read at your own risk.**

I heard so many women talk about the beauty of breastfeeding and the miraculous bonding that happens during the process. I was not deceived. I never looked forward to my darling baby sucking my nipple, and always felt cuddling with a bottle would fill that little bonding need just fine. My reasons for breastfeeding were first and foremost the health benefits for Anaya, and secondly we cannot afford formula, at least not easily. The following is a little of my experience thus far:

Scabs: Some women had been honest, and I was prepared that the first week or two could be painful as your nipples toughen up. (Just a lovely thought, huh?) Sure enough, after only a few short days, I had scabs on my nipples. Seriously? Scabs! On my nipples! Somehow the milk still comes through. Then I had to watch and worry about poor Anaya ingesting a scab as she sucked so furiously, though thankfully, I was able to peel it when it got quite loose. Sick. Let's just say, "Not sexy." Boobs have temporarily lost all sexuality.

Engorgement: Then, your boobs get engorged while they are trying to regulate how much milk to produce. I knew this, but the first time my boob became as hard as concrete, I freaked out. We were on our way home from our friends' house when I felt it. I wanted Jon to get home as fast as possible, and I tried to calm myself. In my rational mind I knew my boob wouldn't explode, but there was this irrational side that kept tugging at me... Good news, they don't explode.

Sleeping with a Bra: It is impossible to be without a bra/breast pads for any length of time. So long comfortable sleeping; we have got to keep these things under wraps. Once again... sorry hubby!

Leakage: There are two kinds of leakage I want to talk about, but I'll put the other one under a different label. Here, I'll just talk about the good 'ol through the breast pad/to the side of the breast pad leakage. To save money, I've been trying the washable breast pads. I have to wear two, but for the most part they work well. For the most part... happily, the other times have been at home, sparing me utter humiliation. I've decided to wear the disposable ones when I go out for any extended period of time, even though they cost $12 or so dollars for a box of 60. When Anaya decides to bless me with an extra hour of sleep in the night, I wake up with two big wet spots on my shirt, making me get up anyway. Can we say embarrassing? Sorry hubby... not sexy!

The Shower Shuffle: No one warned me about this. While a nice warm shower can be good for engorgement, on a day to day basis it is just annoying. So here you are all nice and clean, finally washing off the spit up and diaper cream, not to mention the layers of sweat for those who live in non-air-conditioned homes in the midst of the summer, and you are feeling pretty good... that is until you try and dry off. Your boobs are like faucets! How in the world are you supposed to dry off? If you lean over at all, hello gravity, not nice! After many attempts and much milk on the legs, I've perfected a little shuffle, which eliminates leaning over. It helps, but not completely. After having to yell at my husband to bring me my breast pads so I could even step out of the shower, I've learned to put them within reaching distance.

Appearance (TMI): Wow. It isn't just like, "Oh yay, I finally have big boobs for the first time in my life." Though, in clothes, it does feel a little like that. But naked, no, they are covered in veins, the areola is ginormous, and your nipple is massive. Nope, not just big boobs, big crazy lookin' boobs. Ha! In my opinion, not sexy!

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Anyways, to balance it out a bit, I usually end up laughing multiple times when my ravenous little girl grunts and shakes her heads like she's about to die unless she gets some milk, or when she looks up and grins at me between sucking, or when she burps insanely loud, but doesn't want to quit sucking for a second.

It isn't all horrible, and a HUGE benefit is that you lose your baby weight much faster, and your uterus shrinks back much faster. You may retain 5 or so pounds until you stop breastfeeding, but you get to that weight much faster. I was down 20 of 25 pounds in about 1-1.5 weeks; it was really amazing.

So to all those breastfeeding, or those who have breastfed, hats off to you!